Daydream Away - Phan
by sunglasseslad0800
Summary: Dan and Phil have been friends for a long time now, hardly ever apart. But when new feelings come into play along with denial and whole lot of confusion, will things ever be the same and again? (i am really bad at summaries, plz read my story).
1. Chapter 1

Phil's POV:

"And remember Dan, it's your turn to do the dishes".

"Mum" Dan said, with a long drawn out sigh.

I glanced at my friend, who was slumped next to me on the bed, half heartedly playing xbox. We spent most of our nights like this, we would never do anything extravagant. We were nothing like anyone else our age, out clubbing and pulling girls – instead we were happy with just our xbox and whatever food we could scavenge.

"Phil I really don't want to do the dishes. I'm sick of having to do chores" He whined.

"I'll help you if you're really gonna make such a big deal out of this" I offered.

"Someday Phil, someday, we are gonna get our own place. Where no-one will boss us around and we will have a dishwasher" Dan announced.

The idea sounded like a brilliant thing, in theory of course. To have our own little flat, with all of own little quirky items around the place. With no chores, the house could be as messy as we wanted. But I had that doubt in my head, all those promises you make with your friends, all the plans you make for the future. Until you realize, it's the future and things have changed – the friends you used to have, haven't stuck around or are off making the most of their lives. This was the case with most of my high school friends. I glanced at Dan again, even though I had known him for a short time, I couldn't imagine not being his friend.

I couldn't fight the smile that was appearing on my face. Dan was such a dreamer, not that I was complaining.

"We could paint all the worlds purple if we wanted to, eat pizza at three in the morning and revolve our days around guitar hero and sonic" He said.

"Daniel, I told you to do the dishes" His Mum shouted from downstairs.

Dan rolled his eyes at being scolded. "I mean it, someday Phil, someday".

"I really hope it happens someday" I smiled at him, before he left his room to tackle the dishes.

"Phil, Phil" Dan shouted, clicking his fingers in my face.

"What?" I asked.

"I asked you what you wanted to do for dinner" He replied.

"Oh I don't mind" I shrugged.

"Pizza it is then" Dan said, smiling to himself.

I thought about the flashback I just had, how young we were then and how different things were now. It seemed like such a long time ago, dreaming about it, lying on Dan's bed and now here we were. Nowadays, we shared a flat in London together. Sure it wasn't purple and we rarely ate pizza at three in the morning, but it was ours and only ours. No-one around to boss us around or to force us to do dishes. Dan was one the friend who's dreams actually came true, I knew there was something special about him the first time we met. I smiled to myself as I heard him on the phone ordering us pizza, at how he knew exactly what I wanted without even asking.

I watched as he wandered back in and sat down next to me on the sofa, I quickly looked him up and down. He was in sweats, a lazy t-shirt and his fluffy hat. It always surprised me how he could still manage to look amazing in his lazy clothes, not that he'd ever let me get away with saying that. The truth was, in those four years it had taken us to get here, somewhere along the way I fell for Dan. Maybe it was all the time we spent together or the constant nudging from our fans or maybe it was just inevitable – either way I had fallen hard. I even liked the stupid little things about him, how he would ramble without realizing or his hobbit hair that he despised.

At first I had been in denial, the idea of feeling something that strong for another guy terrified me. There had been plenty of times I had psyched myself up to tell him, but as soon as I seem him I chickened out. It wasn't so much the rejection I was scared of, I guess I was just scared of losing him. The rejection was almost expected, I was sure he didn't feel the same way. He constantly made jokes about the idea of us being together, since our fans were so persistent about it. But I knew he would never be serious about it. Sure he hadn't had a long term girlfriend in years now, but he was never done dating. It never led anywhere, usually just one night dates out somewhere – whilst I sat at home – wondering if the girl he was with even realized half of how lucky she was. It was just easier to watch from a safe place for all these years, that way I'd never have to lose.

**Okay so new Phanfic, it's taken me a while to think this up and actually get around to writing this. But either way, I missed having a chaptered fic. Anyway, let me know if you think this story is worth continuing. My twitter name is; FizzyDanosaur. Thanks and bye :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Phil's POV:

I watched Dan run around the apartment getting ready for his date tonight, another random girl who's number he got when we took a trip to the cinema last week. Sure she was pretty, every girl Dan went out with was pretty – but she didn't deserve Dan. The stupid thing was, I actually had plans tonight, better plans than to torment myself as I watched Dan leave for yet another date. But there was a method to my madness, every single date would end in Dan coming home, usually around eleven. Every time I would ask how it went only to receive a fine. Maybe I was nosy or maybe I just cared too much, either way I couldn't resist it.

Dan's POV:

I yelled goodbye to Phil and pulled the door shut behind me and headed for the taxi that was waiting for me just outside my block. As the taxi began it's journey I psyched myself up for the date I was about to go on. As far as getting dates went, I didn't do too badly. Finding a girl I liked was a different story. Each and every one of the girls I went out with were pretty, smart or funny and yet I seemed to be lacking that spark everyone talked about. You know the one you hear about in books and movies? The one that convinces you that you can't live without the other person. I had never so much as even slightly experienced it, which led me to think – was there something wrong with me? Was I too picky? I chose to tell myself it was simply because I didn't want to settle. After all, everyone expected me to find a girl, settle down, get married and have some kids. Apparently it was a necessary thing in this world, it was considered normal, yet for some reason I couldn't accept this.

I arrived at the restaurant, immediately spotting my date – she stood in the waiting area, wearing a floaty white dress and long brown hair, trailing down her back. I headed over to her and we took our seats. The date went fine, we talked about her job, about my YouTube videos, where we grew up and some other stuff. I analysed her as she spoke, I knew loads of guys would kill to be in my position right now – so why am I counting down the minutes until I can go home and watch TV with Phil?

Phil's POV:

I heard the lock in the front door and my heart jumped, anxious about how his date went. A part of me was always scared that one day he would come home and not to tell me the usual reply of "fine" but something more along the lines of "amazing" or "perfect". I heard him throw his coat into the closet at the bottom of the stairs, followed by his footsteps. It was strange how you could recognise someone by their footsteps alone. Not long later he walked into the living room and flopped down on the sofa next to me, his legs hanging over the arm.

"How was your night?" I asked.

Judging by the grumpy look on his face, it didn't go well. I wasn't supposed to be happy about that, right?

"Don't even get me started" He grumbled.

"Why, what happened?" I asked, now extremely curious.

"Nothing, I just couldn't get a taxi and I had to walk home and my feet are killing me. Stupid shoes" He moaned, taking his shoes off and throwing them down.

"But the actual date was alright?" I inquired, hoping not to sound to interested.

"It was alright" He mumbled.

I watched his grumpy face for a second, he looked like a child who didn't get any dessert.

"C'mon, I know what will cheer you up" I smiled. "Hot chocolate and a movie night".

I arrived back around ten minutes later, with two cups of hot chocolate on the coffee table and my duvet. I took a long drink and then snuggled into my duvet.

"Are you just gonna hog the duvet, Phil?" Dan asked.

"Well I did bring it down for me" I said back, sticking my tongue out.

"Phil" He whined, tugging at my duvet. "I'm cold too".

Eventually I gave in, I always do – there was just no saying no to Dan Howell. Either the cute puppy dog eyes or the sparkling smile will wear you down eventually. Unfortunately I could never put much of a fight up. I wasn't complaining though, there were definitely worse things I could be doing on a Friday night rather than being snuggled up under my duvet with Dan.

It was about two in the morning, for the past half an hour every time I looked around, Dan had been fighting to keep his eyes open. The walk most of tired the usually nocturnal Dan out. His head hit my shoulders a few times, as he battled to stay conscious. Around the fifth or sixth time, he just left it there. Soon after I heard deep breathing and realized he was asleep. I thought about waking him up, telling him to go up to bed. But maybe, just for a night, I could pretend what things could be like.

I woke up the next morning to my phone making a noise, telling me I had a text message. Dan was now asleep on my chest with one arm around me and my head had fallen into the crook of the sofa – the bit that connected the arm and the back cushions. I reached for my phone, praying Dan wouldn't wake up, I wanted to stay like this for as long as possible. If I could just extend my arm a little longer, I could just get it. I practically had it in my hands, when I lost my grip, sending the phone hurtling to the ground. Dan stirred in his sleep, eventually rubbing at his eyes. I watched as he sat up and as the confusion took control of his facial expression.

"Oh, um sorry" He stuttered.

"It's okay we must have fallen asleep" I said back.

"I might just go get a shower" Dan said, exiting the living room as quickly as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan's POV:

The water hit my body as I tried to explain to myself what had just happened. I felt embarrassed more than anything, what could Phil be thinking about me now? My cheeks burned red, as I tried to wash away the memory. I dried myself off, tucking my towel around my waist and heading back to my bedroom, praying I wouldn't run into Phil on the way there. As I experienced that moment when your mind can't think of anything else but that one embarrassing moment, I opened up my laptop, praying for something to take my mind off it. A cat GIF on tumblr, a weird joke, anything. I scrolled down my dashboard, nothing was making this better. Until I came across a GIF of Phil and I, a moment in a video where we stared into each other's eyes for a bit too long. I never noticed this kind of stuff or even realized we were doing it until the fans picked up on it and made this kind of stuff. My cursor hovered over the tags, 'Phan' it read. Normally that was the side of tumblr I stayed away from, the weird crazy tag that practically begged Phil and I to be together. At first it was funny, I joked about, now I had made it pretty clear it made me uncomfortable. I clicked it, scrolling down the page. Posts of fanfiction about the two of us, picture after picture after GIF. I caught myself smiling as I found a picture of our very first video together, I still remembered that day.

"Phil, what if your fans don't like me?" I asked, as he set up his camera.

"Of course they will like you, what's not to like?" He laughed softly.

"What if I say the wrong thing, or I do that thing where I try too hard to be funny and they hate me?" I continued to ramble on.

"Just be yourself, you won me over by doing that" He smiled.

I nodded, playing with the strings on my shirt.

"Ready?" Phil asked.

I chuckled to myself, thinking about how nervous I was that day, I had only just posted my first video a week before that. I barely had any confidence in myself since it had only gotten a few views, we had come so far. I had over a million and a half subscribers now, not to mention our weekly radio show – none of which would have happened without Phil. In fact, without him, I'd probably still be at law school. Although it was traumatic and seemed like the worst thing in the world at the time, it was one of the best decisions I had ever made.

I heard Phil come up the stairs, my heart jumped as I was thrown out of my thoughts of the past. I kept thinking about how close we were, how could I have fallen asleep on my best friend? I wasn't gay or bisexual or anything of the sort, he knew that – right? Dan stop making such a big deal out of this, he's probably not thought much of it. I need to stop over analysing stuff.

Phil's POV:

I stood outside Dan's bedroom door, debating whether or not I should go in. Earlier when he woke up he freaked out and bolted for the shower. What was I thinking, not waking him up when he first fell asleep? He isn't ever going to feel the same way about me, sooner or later I was going to have to let it go. It wasn't going to be easy, considering I live, work and pretty much spend 98% of my time with him.

I built up all my courage and knocked slowly on his door.

"Dan?" I said.

"Come in" He called from the other side.

He was sitting on his bed, with his laptop. His hair was getting curlier by the minute since he had just had a shower and his skin glistened with that after shower effect.

"Do you want some breakfast?" I quickly asked, realizing I needed an excuse to be in here.

"Sure" He nodded, "I'll be down in a minute".

I headed back for the door, I stopped and turned on my heels.

"Dan?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied, looking up at me from his laptop.

"Are you okay? Earlier you seemed a bit strange when you woke up" I said.

He thought for a couple of seconds, like he had something on his mind. But he shook it off and replied with a simple:

"Oh sorry, yeah I'm fine" He shot me half hearted smile.

I nodded and left his room, taking a deep breath as I left. Getting over him was not going to be quick or easy.

**Hey thanks for the support so far! I won't be updating as quickly as I have for my old phanfics, basically because school is crazy, I have exams, I have coursework so yeah. But I promise I will update at LEAST once a week. I always have time at weekends but it just depends how much work I have to do during the week. This chapter was a bit boring, a filler chapter – next chapter will hopefully be more exciting. **

**Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading :) **


	4. Chapter 4

Dan's POV:

It had been a week and a half since that the incident on the sofa with Phil and things had only gotten weirder. I couldn't bring myself to act normal around him, not the way I used to him. I felt constantly on edge whenever he just so much as walked into the same room as me. All of a sudden he wasn't the same Phil I knew, he wasn't my best friend that I felt nothing but comfortable around. But don't get me wrong, it wasn't his fault. Something had changed with me and I felt awful for acting this way.

I wanted to get back to normal, but I didn't know how. I wanted to be able to just hang out whenever we wanted, like we used to – no planning involved. I headed to Phil's room, maybe this was what I needed – just to spend some time with him. Music was playing, reasonably loudly too. I knocked, getting no reply – he hadn't heard me. I took matters into my own hands and twisted the handle, entering his room. There he stood, in a pair of jeans and nothing else. I scanned over his toned torso, he wasn't exactly muscular, but there was something about his pale skinny body that-

Dan, what are you saying? I had seen him shirtless plenty of times, we'd lived together for years now.

"Oh hey sorry, I didn't know you were standing there" Phil laughed and pressed a button on his laptop that turned the music down.

"I knocked but you mustn't have heard me" I stammered, still continuing to scan his body.

My eyes flicked back up to his face, I noticed him staring at me strangely. But then again, what did I expect? I had just been blatantly staring at them.

"That's okay, what's up?" He asked, flashing me a toothy grin.

My heart was racing, I couldn't go out with him now.

"Um, nothing, it doesn't matter" I mumbled.

I exited his room quickly, retreating to my room and slamming the door behind me. I sat on the floor with my back against the door, pulling my knees into my chest and burying my head. What was wrong with me? Why was I screwing everything up? Things were working so well with Phil and I, until I had to mess things up by getting these weird

feelings. I just had to hope it was only temporary.

Phil's POV:

"Um, nothing, it doesn't matter" He mumbled and left my room – I heard a door slam a couple of seconds later.

Dan had been acting weird for days now, since that night we fell asleep together. I couldn't help but blame myself and convince myself he knew about my feelings. There was no other explanation to why he was acting so weird, I never wanted him to find out. I hadn't expected them to be reciprocated.

I walked past his bedroom, pausing for a second. I considered going in, but it wasn't a good idea. Instead I decided to head out, I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I was going out.

I had ventured into town, with no purpose other than to just waste time. I decided to hit shake away first, surely a milkshake would cheer me up. I slumped down on one of the few chairs in the shop, slurping on my drink. Usually I came here with Dan, I hardly ever sat on my own.

"Sorry, can I use this napkin?" A voice behind me asked.

I turned around to see a girl standing behind me, with the remains of what looked like milkshake over her shirt and the rest over the table.

I stifled a laugh, I always laugh in the wrong situations.

"Need some help?" I asked the flustered looking girl.

"That'd be nice" She said, smiling at me.

I grabbed some more napkins from the counter and began drying up the table as she cleaned herself up. As far as strangers went, she seemed nice. She had long sandy coloured hair and very pale skin.

"As you can tell I'm not the most coordinated person" She smiled grimly.

"I know how that feels" I chuckled. "Phil, Phil Lester".

"Oh my name is Chloe Carter" She said back.

"I can't believe you watch that too" I laughed.

"Of course, it's only the best programme ever" She laughed in return.

"I seriously thought my friend Dan and I were the only ones who watched it" I smiled.

I had spent the last couple of hours with Chloe, I wasn't normally the type to start talking to strangers but after her milkshake incident I felt like I had to. But she was actually pretty cool, she liked a lot of the same stuff as me, which was rare. The stupid thing was, I was out with virtually my perfect girl and here I was still thinking about my best friend. My feelings were so strong it made me nauseous.

"Well I had a fun past few hours, thanks" Chloe smiled.

"It was no problem, I had fun cleaning up your milkshake" I laughed.

I watched her expression turn into a cringe and then back to a bright smile.

"This might be a bit forward, but here's my number, I don't meet many guys like you" She smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan's POV:

Phil had begun to go out a lot, the problem? Well there was no problem, other than the fact every time he left I found myself sitting at home wondering where he went. The worst of it was, he always came back smiling and in a great mood. I guess you could say I'd been a bit down for the past couple of weeks, I was having a sort of crisis. I had begun to question everything I thought that made me, me. These new feelings scared me, these weird pangs of jealousy every time I caught Phil smiling at his phone or the surge of adrenaline that hit my body every time he just so much as sat next to me. What was wrong with me, he was my best friend – only my best friend.

I moped about the house all day, knowing that Phil was out there having fun, probably with some pretty girl. I headed to the kitchen, prepared to eat away my feelings. I found a ready make meal, chucking it carelessly in the oven. From the other room I could hear my phone ring, I ran to fetch it, secretly hoping it would be Phil. However the number wasn't recognised on my phone.

"Hello" I said.

"Dan?" The familiar voice said.

"Yeah, speaking" I replied, now confused.

"I have some bad news"

Phil's POV:

I sat with Chloe in Starbucks, listening to a story she was telling me about her day. She made me smile, I couldn't deny that. In theory, she was perfect. Pretty, funny, easy-going and we had a lot in common, but let me just repeat: _in theory. _Being around her was fun, but I couldn't shake this strange feeling. Like this wasn't right, I was even guilty. But why? Dan didn't care when he was out with dozens of different girls. But I guess the difference there is, he doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about him.

But he'd been avoiding me a lot recently, like I'd done something wrong. My suspicions that he knew how I felt had been confirmed. I wanted to speak to him about it, but I didn't think anything good could from it, I might scare him off even more.

I walked Chloe home, even from when I was younger I could never let girls walk home on their own – I guess it was just the way I was raised. We got to Chloe's street, it was about fifteen minutes away from my apartment.

"Thanks for walking me home, but I'll be okay from here" She smiled.

"It's no problem" I grinned back.

She moved in closer, before I could even comprehend what was happening she had kissed me. Her soft lips pressed against mine delicately. I felt my heart stop for a second. What had just happened?

"See you soon" She smiled.

A nodded, a little dumbstruck from what had just happened. I began walking home as the mixed feelings plagued me. Even though I had just kissed a pretty girl, it only highlighted my feelings for Dan. I felt sick, like I had cheated on Dan, without him even knowing we were even together.

But here I was putting myself through this emotional torment when he more than likely wasn't thinking about me – he didn't care about me like that. The idea of actually trying things with Chloe crossed my mind. I'd had these one sided feelings for long enough, maybe it was time to give up and realize this could never happen.

I unlocked my front door, shouting Dan's name as I took one step into the house, locking the door behind me. Only I received no reply, as far as I knew Dan wasn't going out tonight. I looked around each room, starting with the kitchen where a half eaten ready meal sat on the counter – filling the room with the smell of noodles and chicken. He wasn't in the living room either, which left his bedroom.

After knocking the door a few times I got no reply, I opened the door, working on the logic that if he wasn't in the house he wouldn't know I just walked into his room. As I opened the door the room was dark, with only the glow of the fairly lights Dan had randomly sprinkled around the room. I noticed a figure lying on the bed, back to the door.

"Dan?" I said.

I flicked on the lights in his room as he sat up.

"Oh hey Phil, when did you get home?" He asked sullenly.

He put on his best face but his cheeks were stained by tears and his eyes slightly puffy.

"Dan, what's wrong?" I asked urgently, my heart breaking further every second I looked at his sad face.

"Um nothing, I'll be fine" Dan said, looking every where but my face to avoid eye contact.

"I can tell something is up, I've known you long enough to know that much" I smiled, comfortingly.

"My um, my Dad died earlier" He sniffed, fighting the tears that filled his eyes.

My heart sunk, I pulled him in a hug. I felt him sniff against my chest and clutch on to me. His soft hair brushed against my arm as I felt him shake, I wanted nothing more than to make this all go away.


	6. Chapter 6

Phil's POV:

It had been a couple of days since we found out about Dan's Dad. Since then, Dan had spent a lot of time in his room – refusing to talk. I wanted to help, but I didn't know how if he wouldn't talk to me. It was breaking my heart seeing him like this, especially when I cared so much for him. All I wanted to do was make everything okay again, even though I knew it wasn't possible.

I wandered up the stairs, headed for Dan's room – using dinner as an excuse to talk to him. I felt awkward talking to him, constantly worried I'd put my foot in it. If I was being honest, I was just waiting for him to snap. I knocked on the door gently, hearing Dan give me permission to come in. His room was dark, his curtains were shout and the only light was the glow from his laptop. Apparently long sessions on Tumblr were all Dan put any effort into recently. He lay in his bed, still in his pyjamas, engulfed in various blankets.

"Hey do you want some dinner?" I asked.

"Um, no I'm not hungry" He replied.

"You haven't eaten all day" I stated.

"I know but-" He began.

"Dan I know you're upset, but you need to eat" I told him.

"Phil please don't lecture me, I don't need this right now" He said.

Throughout the entire conversation he had barely looked up from his laptop. I know it's his defence mechanism but I didn't want him to shut me out. I nodded and walked to his door. I wanted to stay and force him to eat and then to get out of bed. But I knew it would do more harm than good, forcing him to shut me out even more. It was a tricky situation.

"Phil?" He said, just as I had my handle on the door.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"My Dad's funeral is tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd come with me" He asked. "If you don't mind that is".

I turned around, he was looking directly at me now. Instead of occasionally glancing up from his laptop, which was all I had gotten these past few days. It made me nauseous, seeing my once so confident and humorous friend in this shell of depression. He seemed so small, so helpless.

"Of course I will, you know I'd do anything for you" I told him honestly.

He shot me a quick smile, his face quickly returning to that state of sadness that had been painted on his face for the past couple of days.

"Thanks Phil" He said.

I glanced at Dan's nervous face as we knocked on the front door of his home in Reading. I knew he was nervous about seeing them and even more nervous about falling apart in front of them. We both were dressed in suits, in the usual funeral fashion. If it had've been any other occasion I would have spent at least a minute or so raving about how amazing Dan looked. But it wasn't any other occasion, it was his Dad's funeral and I was determined to be there for him.

His younger brother answered the door, looking almost completely identical to Dan – they always did look alike. We were here at his house for an hour or so for a sort of wake, then we headed to the church for the ceremony. The wake mostly consisted of dozens of people making awkward small talk with Dan, telling him they were sorry. He kept a stoned face the entire time, thanking people and then moving on to the next pity conversation.

We sat in the wooden pews as Dan shifted uncomfortably beside me. He fidgeted, playing with his tie, the buttons on his shirt and anything else he could get his hands on. The minister carried on talking, his monotone voice making me tune out. I was never really a religious person, my parents were but church always bored me. As the man finished waffling on, I knew it was time for speeches. Dan and his brother both made a speech together, I sat on the edge of my seat the entire time as people cried around me.

Afterwards, everyone was stood outside the church. I had been kidnapped by a couple of old ladies who claimed to be Dan's great Aunts, telling me what a "great young boy" I was for coming to support Dan. As the clock hit four I looked around for Dan, on my first glance I couldn't spot him. The place was crowded, I began to make my way through the people looking for my grieving friend. I wandered around the whole area until I found him at the back of the building sitting on a bench. He sat hunched over with his back to me.

"Hey I was looking for you" I said, going to sit next to him.

"Oh sorry I just took off, I just needed some time to myself" He answered.

Without even looking at him I could tell he had been crying, his voice was heavy accompanied by some sniffs.

"How are you doing?" I asked, immediately knowing it was a stupid question as soon as it left my mouth.

"Phil I can't believe I'm at my Dad's funeral" He cried.

A sob escaped his mouth as I threw an arm around his shoulders. He rested his head on me and I remained helpless to what my friend was going through.

"Dan you are going to get through this, I promise" I told him, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of my jacket.

He shook his head at me, sniffing. His long fringe fell into his eyes and I brushed it away, tucking it back where it should be. His deep sad eyes looked into mine, in an out of body experience I felt myself grab his hand in order to comfort him. He squeezed it, not leaving my eyes once. He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against mine. _What was going on? _

**I have been doing a pretty crap job of keeping this updated, I am sorry. I don't know, I'm kind of proud of this chapter, please don't hate it. Exams and coursework are driving me up the wall as it means I don't have as much time to waste writing fanfic. I really hope you are enjoying the story so far. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Dan's POV:**

I paced back and forth, as someone who is trying to psyche themselves up does. It had been a little over a week since Phil and I kissed. It had been a little over a week since everything had become clear to me. I had dated girls, plenty of girls which means I have had my fair share of kisses. Yet none of them were ever like Phil and I's. It was like one of those silly kisses you only hear about in books. Where your knees get weak and fireworks go off in your head. Something was there, I couldn't just walk away and pretend it never happened. Without Phil, I don't think I would be where I am right now. He's been such a significant part of my life. I guess, until now, I just had never realized just how important he really was to me.

He had been with me every step of the way since my Dad died. Sitting up late at night with me, forcing me to eat and lending a shoulder to cry on. He had been more than helpful, he had been perfect. Now all I had to do was tell him.

It was a weird feeling, a mixture of excitement, anxiety and just plan fear. He was currently in our office room, editing a video. I made my way up the stairs, planning it all out in my head. I had made up a few scenarios in my head, in fact over the past few days I have had plenty of time to do that, more than I'd care to admit. Strangely enough, I had only thought out the good stuff, I was feeling to optimistic about this to factor in the bad stuff.

After wasting as much time as I could climbing up the stairs, I found myself hovering outside the door. It was slightly ajar, meaning I could just about see him concentrating on his computer. I felt myself smile at the thought of Phil's concentrating face. As I was about to knock the door, I heard him speak. Was he on the phone? I angled myself more appropriately and noticed the phone he had stuck to his ear.

"I can be there in about half an hour" I heard him say.

Where was he going?

"No, I can't wait to see you again" He laughed.

Who was he talking to? I felt my stomach twist, as it does when you know something bad is about to happen.

"Alright, see you soon Chloe" He said, ending the call.

Chloe, who was Chloe?

I heard the seat creak, I scurried around the corner, knowing it was just a matter of seconds before he would be exiting through the door. I listened to his footsteps go down the stairs, then retreated back out to the hall. Who could he possibly be meeting?

"Dan?" I heard him shout from downstairs. "I'm going out".

I managed an "Alright" in return.

All I had going through my head was the worse case scenario, that he had a committed girlfriend out there that he hadn't told me about. Who was optimistic now?

**Phil's POV: **

I strolled down the street, I hadn't seen Chloe for around a week now and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly excited. I'd spent most of my time with Dan lately, which I definitely wasn't complaining about. It was just hard, watching him beat himself up over his Dad. I would have done anything to take away all the pain he had. Plus it was hard, being around him and not being tempted to kiss him. I wanted to believe he felt the same way and that the kiss at the funeral wasn't out of comfort-seeking. I needed to talk to him about it, I just felt that now wasn't the best time.

I waited for her at the bus station where she was about to get off her bus, I wasn't sure what our status was either. I liked spending time with her, but was it in the same way she liked spending time with me? We had a lot in common and she was pretty, beautiful even. So why am I constantly thinking about Dan when I'm with her? He was like some curse I had been blessed with, he was all I thought about.

She jumped off the bus, her blonde hair bouncing as she did so.

"Hey" She smiled, jumping into my arms.

**-Later on- **

"You okay, Phil?" She asked.

Last time I tuned in, she was talking about some party she went to with her friends last week. I know better than anyone how rude it is to zone out when someone is talking, yet here I am, hardly able to concentrate for longer than a minute. I guess I was just worried about Dan, sure it sounded stupid, he was a grown up and he could take care of himself. But he hadn't been properly alone for a week now. I thought about it some more and then wondered if I was just using this as an excuse to send him a text or even to go home and end this outing early.

We arrived at her house, like always I had insisted on walking her home. It was dark and believe it or not, London could actually be a pretty scary place. I stopped at her gate, excusing myself, ready to head home.

"Why don't you come in for a while?" She smiled.

"I should really be getting home and-" I said.

"Just for a little while?" She asked, fluttering her eyelashes at me.

"Would this convince you?" She asked, planting a kiss on my lips.

"Another time, I'm really sorry" I said, beginning to walk away.

"It's Dan again, isn't it?" She asked.

I kept walking, because it was. It was always Dan.

**I'm so sorry I have disappeared recently, all I do at the minute is eat, sleep and revise. I feel like I wrote this differently than normal, let me know what you think. I can't promise the next update will be regular, like I said busy busy busy! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Phil's POV:**

I let myself into the house, still thinking about what Chloe had said. I could still hear her voice in my head. Needless to say I had a lot running through my head right now, I wanted to talk to Dan but I didn't know what to say. I loved Dan, I've known that for a

long time now. But I guess I had just given up any hope of ever being together.

I leapt up the stairs, two steps at a time and continued walking until I found myself face to face with his door. I pushed it open to see Dan sitting on his bed cross legged in front of his laptop, with his earphones in. He hadn't even realized I had come in. I walked in front of his, waving in his face. Dan looked up at me, making my stomach churn with his brown eyes, slowly taking his earphones out.

"I didn't realize you were home" He said, looking anywhere except for my face.

"Yeah I just got back" I replied.

He nodded in return. It was obvious there was something on his mind. He looked down, abnormally down for Dan. Like there was something he was just dying to say.

"You okay?" I asked.

I received another nod, I always hated how much prying it took to get his problems out of him. He was a hoarder, he bottled everything up and it was unhealthy. I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. I needed to talk about my feelings, my problems, it was impossible for me to keep them to myself. I'm still not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

If I was being honest, I was scared for Dan. I hadn't seen him this down for a long time, a time that I didn't want to think about. He gets caught up in his thoughts, over thinking is an understatement. It always leads him to dark places and it was up to me to get him back again. On the other hand, I had to let him mourn but something told me mourning wasn't the only thing on his mind.

"No you aren't, tell me what's wrong" I insisted, sitting down beside him.

"I told you I was fine" He retaliated.

"I know you, I know when there's something on your mind" I told him.

"Well clearly you don't know me as well as you thought" He said.

Throughout the entire conversation he kept his attention on the laptop, unable to drag his eyes away for even a second. Like he was looking for an excuse to not acknowledge the fact that I was in the room with him. Was it something I had done?

"Dan, look at me" I said.

"Phil..." He said quietly.

"Please just tell me what's wrong" I said, practically begging now.

He shook his head, eventually lifting it up to look directly at me, he shot me a grim smile. For a second it didn't seem like reality, like I was watching myself in a movie or something. He reached over and kissed me. But it wasn't like the kiss from the funeral, it was stronger and scarier. It got stronger and deeper before we both pulled away, speechless.

"Now do you see what's wrong?" He asked.

I sat there, my mouth gaping like an idiot. I didn't know how to respond. I was too wrapped up in the butterflies I had bashing around in my stomach, this was crazy. I didn't think or say anything, instead I simply connected our mouths again, forcefully pushing my tongue into his. He placed his hand at the back of my neck, whilst I found his waist with mine. Before I knew it, I was lying on top of him, his hand tangled in my hair. Talk was cheap, in this situation anyway.

He suddenly pulled away.

"I'm sorry" He whispered.

"For what?" I asked, pulling him right back into our kiss.

Strangely enough, it was possibly the scariest thing I had ever done. Yet this was an out of body experience, normal Phil was over watching from the corner. Whereas this new confident Phil who had taken charge, was perfectly okay with this – more than okay. This was real and it was happening.

Our hips began to grind together, I disconnected our lips. Heading downwards on Dan, I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down. Revealing the colourful boxers he was wearing.

**Afterwards:**

We collapsed in the bed beside each other, our legs entangled together. I could hear Dan breathing heavily next to me and I was sure I was doing the exact same thing. We hadn't so much as looked at each other never mind spoke. There was nothing to say, not in the midst of the moment anyways. I was sure we'd be discussing it tomorrow morning. I felt Dan cuddle up next to me, resting his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes. Even when he was sweaty and tired, he still managed to look better than the average person. I sighed to myself, where do we go from here?

**Okay okay, so I chickened out on the smut. I'm sorry okay? I have never wrote it before and I don't wanna strike out and write crappy smut. No smut is better than crappy smut. However, I will try and psyche myself up to maybe write in later in the story idk. But yeah, I should be revising writing now and here I am feeling bad about not writing smut. So please enjoy, thank you and good bye. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Phil's POV:**

I woke up still tangled in our passion from last night, it couldn't have been more perfect. I wanted to wake up like this every morning. I noticed Dan raise his head from beside me, shooting me one of those picture perfect smiles our fans liked so much. They were priceless, if I could bottle them and sell them, I swear the world would be a happier place. My perfect thought train was interrupted by the door bell ringing. I automatically assumed it was the postman, cursing him from ruining this perfect moment.

"I'll get it" Dan murmured, half heartedly lifting himself from the bed.

He combed through his hair with one of his hands and proceeded to rub his sleepy eyes. Even in this early morning state, I still found myself thinking of him as perfect. I listened to him bound down the stairs as I stared at the ceiling.

"Phil" I heard Dan shout from downstairs.

I pulled on my shirt and boxers and followed downstairs.

"What is it?" I said, noticing him standing at the door.

He pushed the door open further, so I could see exactly who was standing there. It was Chloe. My stomach dropped.

"Your girlfriend is here" He said sarcastically, shooting me a look and then retreating to his bedroom.

"Dan" I shouted after him, but nothing.

"Hey, what are you doing still in bed?" Chloe asked, throwing his arms around me.

I lightly hugged her back.

"I had a late night last night" I told her. "So what are you doing here?".

I realized how rude I was being, but found it hard to care. My only concern was Dan right now and of course also what a lousy friend I was. Would he be okay or would this just be pushed down along with all his other problems? Phil you were supposed to be helping him, not making him worse, I scolded myself.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to do something today" She grinned, her eyes shining brightly.

"I can't sorry, I have radio show prep to do today" I told her, which wasn't a complete lie.

"Are you sure you can't leave it just for an hour or so?" She pouted.

"No, I'm sorry I have to get it done today" I replied.

"Aw okay, can I help at all?" She asked.

I shook my head.

Once she left I found myself sprinting up the stairs towards Dan's room, expecting the worst. But then again, maybe I wasn't giving him enough credit. Maybe he wasn't this emotional wreck I made him out to be or maybe I was just acting like I was far more important than I was.

I didn't hesitate when entering his room, I complete threw away our usual knocking routine and burst through the door. Dan was pulling on his favourite shirt, the black one with the white circle from an exhibition we went to see not long ago. I could still remember the amazement on his face, his wide eyes as his mouth twisted into a smile. I caught a glimpse of his tanned torso, momentarily distracting me.

"What do you want?" He asked, searching through his drawers with his back to me.

"To talk, that wasn't what you thought it was" I told him.

"So that wasn't your girlfriend? The person you had been sneaking off to see these past few weeks" He asked.

His tone was calm, cold and uncaring, like he didn't want to give me the satisfaction of getting annoyed. I almost wished he would shout at me and call me all the names under the sun. Him withholding everything was much more annoying and made me feel even more guilty, but I guess he knew that.

"She's not my girlfriend, she just thinks we are together, it isn't official or anything" I cried, realising how bad it sounded once it left my mouth.

"So you've been leading us both on, nice one Phil" He said.

I watched as he brushed his hair in the mirror, concentrating on getting right, while he kept his cold exterior up.

"It's not like that" I told him.

"The thing is, we slept together last night. So didn't you technically cheat on her?" He asked me.

He knew he was pushing my buttons and I knew too, but it was punishment I knew I deserved. I never wanted things to turn out like this.

"I don't like her, not like that any way, I like you Dan, I always have" I said softly.

"Well I guess you don't like me as much as you thought you did, because if you did, you never would have needed to have Chloe on the side" He said, saying Chloe in a mocking tone.

"I never thought you liked me back, I didn't want to just wait around forever" I said quietly.

"In case you didn't realize Phil, I've kind of had a lot going on recently" He said, almost losing it now.

I could tell from the look in his eyes, volcano Dan was about to blow. Normally I hated it, his shouting made me uncomfortable, even when it was through no fault of my own. But anything would be better than this confined emotional front he was putting up. I watched as he left his room and I followed, he headed down the stairs, grabbing the first pair of shoes sitting there and putting them on.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Somewhere that isn't here" He said, now unable to make eye contact with me.

I sat next to him on the stairs, where he was tying his shoe laces, his fringe flopping in front of his face. Almost like a protective shield, not allowing me to see his face.

"What about the radio show prep?" I asked, realizing just how unimportant that was now.

In return, he shrugged his shoulders and left. I never knew I was capable of something like this, my viewers always thought of me as sweet, innocent Phil – imagine if this ever got out. I never meant it to happen, but I couldn't see it happening right before my eyes. Despite how stupid that excuse sounded, I was sorry.

**This chapter has a lot of conversation so sorry, and I've recently been writing more in Phil's POV. I don't know, I have always found it more easy to write in. I feel like I have done pretty well with updates this week, compared to the last few weeks anyways. So yeah, hope you enjoyed!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Dan's POV:**

I half heartedly pushed my keys in the lock of my front door, hoping that Phil would be asleep and we wouldn't have to talk about this yet. I'd been out for nine hours now, I'm not really sure where the time went. But I guess the amount of alcohol I consumed when out had something to do with that. Normally I hated drinking on my own, but the mood I was in called for it tonight. I wasn't off my face, just drunk enough to know I needed my bed and to not face this tonight.

The hall way was quiet, I slipped my shoes off and crept upstairs, reading to collapse in bed. I made it to my room and flung my leather jacket on the floor, searching around for my pyjama bottoms.

"You're back" I heard Phil say.

I didn't reply, working on the logic that maybe if I didn't reply he might just leave me alone to sulk in my drunken misery.

"I sorted the radio show stuff out so you don't need to worry about that" He said quietly.

I hated Phil's quiet voice, no matter what the situation, it always evoked my sympathy. Even in times like this, I loved that twat, no matter what he did. Of course I couldn't let him know that, not for now anyway.

"Thanks" I mumbled.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"Phil..." I said.

"Please, I haven't stopped thinking about you all day" He said.

I turned around to face him, he had a sorry look on his face and was nervously playing with his hands. I had to stay strong, I couldn't give in just like that. I sat down on my bed and motioned for him to talk, I didn't have much more to say, not now anyways.

"You have to know that I never liked her, not in the way she liked me and the way I like you" He said, jumbling up his words slightly.

I wanted to smile and crack a joke like I did every week on the radio show, but this wasn't the time.

"Why were you with her at all?" I said, asking the question I had been dying to know.

"I didn't go out of my way to find her, it was by accident. And you were acting weird around me, I didn't think you would ever like me back. She made me feel better, for a little while. Until everything that happened with your Dad, you needed me and she just got in the way. All the time I spent with her, I was thinking about you, I swear Dan" He replied.

My heart jumped when he said he was always thinking about me. It reminded me of all the stupid dates I went on, when I count down the minutes until I could return home to Phil. Maybe this had always been right under my nose, for longer than I thought.

"I'll end things with her properly, I mean it. As long as I know that there is at least the chance of us getting together, maybe not now but at some point" He said.

I nodded, thinking this all through in my head. Which took longer than it should have, in my intoxicated state.

"I just don't want to lose my best friend" He said.

My heart practically split in half when he said that, I couldn't imagine my life without Phil, regardless of what we were to each other. He had done so much for me, he had made me into the person I wanted to me. He saved me from a boring university life and helped me make something out of myself. I have no idea where I'd be without Phil, if he had never replied to my tweet.

I thought about the first time we ever met. After the late night conversations and the realisation of how alike we were.

_I walked up to starbucks, my heart pounding. I hated meeting new people as it was, but on this occasion I actually wanted to make a good impression. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window, cursing my stupid hair and goofy face. I pushed the door open, my heart practically in my mouth. _

_There he was sitting in one of the armchairs, full concentration on his phone. Had he seen me come in or was he just pretending he wasn't alone by being on his phone? I walked up to him, I felt my palms sweat, gross. _

"_Phil?" I asked._

"_Dan, hey!" He smiled, standing up and pulling me into a hug. "It's nice to finally meet you". _

_We both sat down, he looked different from all the videos I had watched, but in a good way. His hair was shinier and his eyes were a different, brighter shade of blue – if that was even possible. He brought up our conversation last night, about whether Giraffes could make noises or not. Telling me something about how he had looked it up and come to a conclusion. I felt immediately at ease, laughing and telling him, he was wrong. _

We had acted like best friends from day one.

"Phil" I said. "I don't want to fight with you, I don't want to fight with my best friend".

I surrendered, I held up the white flag, I just wanted things to go back to normal.

I threw my arms around him and he squeezed me tightly, one thing about Phil was that he gave the greatest hugs in the history of the world.

"I don't think we can just jump straight into a relationship, I don't know what this is, but let's just see where it goes" I told him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Dan's POV:**

Things had progressed a bit, it had been a few days since Phil and I had sorted things out. In a way, things had gone back to normal. But better than normal. We still had the usual day in the life of Dan and Phil, yet now there was this strange enhancement on it. The fight, weirdly enough, had brought us closer together. Currently, we were stuck in this strange not-quite-lovers but more-than-friends phase, which I liked more than I'd care to admit. All the fun without having to label things.

It was one in the afternoon, I wandered downstairs feeling fully recharged from a long night's sleep. Today was Monday, most people hated Mondays with a passion. I guess it was understandable, for people who work and go to school. But for me, it's the chance to do nothing all day. It meant the radio show was over for another week and that I had all week to plan for the next one. I felt a strange sense of freedom as I made my way downstairs.

I joined Phil in the living room with my bowl of cereal, he was always up before me. Neither of us were exactly morning people but he was always up a good couple of hours before me. I flopped down next to him, both of us still in our pyjamas.

"What are you doing today?" I asked, through a mouthful of cereal.

"I really need to film a new video" He sighed in return.

"Just leave it until tomorrow" I suggested, allowing my procrastinating state of mind to shine through.

"I promised everyone on twitter" He replied.

I suddenly developed a good idea, it was almost as if a light bulb began to shine above my head.

"Let's do one together, we could do another Phil is not on fire, type video for the fans as a surprise" I suggested.

Phil's face brightened up, I felt a sense of pride over my good idea. Despite the fact that did help Phil's situation, it also allowed me to spend more time with him and that was always a bonus.

…

We both sat on the bed, the camera facing directly at us. I shot a grin at him and we began. Around an hour later we were laughing so hard it hurt. It was nice to have this fun filming a video. Recently things had gotten serious, we were making videos to meet deadlines, to make the fans happy, as well as juggling the radio show – and not to mention our personal lives. Not to mention that with more subscribers you had more people to please, which was always difficult. Of course I still loved being on YouTube, but until now making videos hadn't been as fun as they used to be two years ago.

**Phil's POV:**

I glanced over at my best friend, realizing just how much I wanted to do this forever. I wanted to make videos with him for fun, to run our radio show and be together. However, I still didn't know where I stood and it wasn't up to me to call the shots around here. I messed up, which meant the ball was in Dan's court, for this time being anyway. He lay, still in a fit of laughter next to me. Dan had a nice laugh and a contagious one at that.

After his fit on the giggles, his hair was strewn all over his face. I couldn't help but tuck one strand back to where it should be. He watched me as I did so, his laughter slowly subsiding. I let my hand stay there for longer than I should have, getting caught in the moment. He leaned over and kissed me, I kissed back, thanking the lord he made the first move. Unfortunately oxygen and breathing was always an issue, we both pulled away after a minute or so – despite how much I wanted to keep going.

I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. I had this stupid mind set where I had to be in control of what was happening, I needed to be prepared for what is coming.

"Dan?" I asked. "What's happening? You know, with us".

He looked down, I knew immediately I had made a mistake bringing things up. I had ruined hours of fun with one stupid question.

"Dan, I like you a lot. I need to know if you like me too" I said, feeling slightly childlike asking something like that.

"No Phil, I kissed you because I hated you" He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I shook my head, at any other moment I would have found that funny.

"Look" He began. "You know I like you too, I thought I had made that pretty clear".

"But where does that leave us? What are we?" I asked.

I had almost begun to annoy myself with all my questions. I knew I was being a pest but I needed to know, this was driving me crazy. Maybe Dan could live in this in between state, but I couldn't and I wouldn't. I thought I could, but these past few days have shown me otherwise.

"Phil, I just-I don't know okay. I don't know what we are" He replied.

I could tell by his tone he had began to get irritated, as he did when put under pressure.

"We can't go on like this" I told him.

"Well, why not?" He asked.

**I feel like this was a weird chapter, but in all honestly I was just rushing to get it done. I've been trying to keep on top of uploading recently. I hope you guys don't completely hate the way the story is going, do you think I am dragging Dan and Phil getting together, out? Please leave what you think in the reviews, it'll help me brainstorm for the next chapter and rest of the story, thanks a lot guys! X **


	12. Chapter 12

**Phil's POV:**

"You can't just put me on the spot like this" Dan stated.

"I know and I don't mean to, but Dan we can't keep going on like this. I need to know one way or another" I told him.

He looked down, I knew I had caught him off guard. I pulled him into a hug, resting my chin on his shoulder. At first he was tense, but within a few seconds melted into my arms. I wanted to be able to do this whenever I wanted, not needing an excuse to hug him. I felt bad of course I did, but I ended things with Chloe and I never really did like her, not in the way I liked Dan.

"I'm sorry I feel like this, but I can't change how I feel" I said quietly.

I felt him nod and then pull away, he gave me his signature Dan look. The look he gives me when he has promised his viewers a video, but is yet to edit it. Or when he realizes that he has forgotten something for the radio show: Dan's look of stress. I shot him a comforting smile, trying to remind him that I was on his side.

"Just give me a bit of time, alright?" He said.

I nodded.

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After an awkward dinner, we now sat in silence in the living room. Awkward silences were practically non-existent between us, which made things even worse. Every so often I would steal a quick glance at Dan, who had been sitting with the same expression as he had during dinner. It was his thinking face and that scared me. Who knew what was going on in that mind of his. I had just given him an ultimatum, telling him we couldn't be stuck in this weird in between state any more. Which he shrugged off, but I knew him well enough to know how he had taken it. He hated to make rash decisions quickly, he liked time to think things through, weigh the positives and negatives of the situation. Which got me thinking: was he debating if my positives out weighed my negatives?

_Phil you are thinking way too far into this._

"Phil?" He asked, piercing the silence, finally.

I looked up at him, his eyes meeting mine. In those few seconds I prepared myself for every possible out come.

"Do you remember that time we went to that YouTube party, just a few months after we first met? I didn't really know anyone and in a short amount of time, we got extremely bored. So instead of mingling with a bunch of drunken vloggers, we got into a nice state of drunkness and you convinced me to abandon ship, and we ended up at the top of that hill instead" Dan said out of nowhere.

"That's because the only person at that party that mattered to me was you" Phil said earnestly.

"Then we talked for hours, I learnt a lot about you that night. Your hatred for cheese and our mutual love for muse, not to mention how we debated about Growlithe not being the best pokemon" Dan continued.

"I still think it is the best, for your information" Phil added, earning a smirk from Dan.

"I stand by what I said" Dan laughed, pointing a finger at Phil.

"But the thing is, this made me realize something" Dan said, regaining his serious composure. "I have so many good memories, no great memories, all with you and because of you – you made them great. You're the first real best friend I have ever had and for that you'll always mean so much to me. A lot has changed recently and it _terrifies_ me. But in the best way possible, which is why I am saying: let's do this".

He looked nervous, which I never did understand. I took the information in, Dan wasn't the kind of person who gave meaningful speeches out, which made me treasure this one all the more. The words 'Let's do this' still ringing in my head. I glanced over at him as he looked expectantly at me. I felt myself melt into his brown eyes.

"You mean it?" I asked, feeling a little stupid once the words left my mouth.

"Yeah, I do" He smiled, for the first time in a while looking sure of himself.

**Ah you guys I've been gone for so long I am so sorry, GCSE's took over my life. I have completely lost the swing of writing this story, I have been putting this chapter off for so long that it has actually begun to stress me out. This is a really bad chapter, it's short, it's all over the place and I apologise. The whole thing about them ditching a party was inspired by a one shot I wrote, which you can go check on my account called "Liquid Confidence". I really didn't go into detail with how Phil ended things with Chloe because in all seriousness I forgot and I'm still freaking out about where to go from here. So any plot ideas, please leave them in a review. Sorry for this long AN, I hope you don't hate the chapter as much as I do. Thanks for reading! X **


	13. Chapter 13

Dan's POV:

"Phil just hit the button" I told him.

"Hold on, I want to remember this moment, the day we finally tell everyone" Phil grinned.

I shook my head in return.

"Come on Dan, we have no reason to hide it any more" Phil smiled.

I wasn't ashamed to be posting about my relationship, nothing like that. I was worried about people's reactions, granted the majority of our fans would probably be over the moon that this was real. After all the fanfics, the edited pictures – this would be a dream come true. But what about the others? The others that now would make fun of us, who would stop watching merely on the basis that we weren't straight. As much as it wasn't fun to think about, there is people out there like that. No-one likes hate, no matter what they say. Me especially, internet hate is something that affects me far more than I would care too admit. I knew Phil wasn't at all like that, he took everything in his stride. I liked that about him.

Strictly speaking, he was right, we don't have a reason to hide it any more. Our families knew, which wasn't a fun conversation. They both accepted us, like Phil said they would, after all they're our families. I guess it was just a shock, which I could comprehend. I wasn't exactly expecting it either. All our friends knew as well, including all of our internet friends. Not to mention Chris and PJ, who didn't think twice about making jokes about it. Almost everyone important knew, except our fans. Maybe it was stupid how much I valued their opinions, but hey.

Phil pretended to hit the button in slow motion, which resulted in me slapping his hand away and hitting the button myself. I stuck my tongue out at him, receiving a put on sulky face from Phil.

"I'm gonna make tea, want some?" I asked, getting out of the chair.

"Sure" Phil smiled.

As I walked to the kitchen I found myself thinking over our relationship. I thought back to when we first met, how I was back then. Things were so different, I was just coasting through life – not exactly thrilled but not miserable – doing what I thought was normal for someone my age. I had just assumed I would go to University, graduate, get a job and settle down. Then I met Phil, something with us just clicked and all of a sudden I was the happiest I had been for a long time. We wasted a lot of time, not knowing how each other felt, keeping quiet about things but we got there in the end. I guess you could say he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I stirred the two cups and brought them back into the living room, preparing from the aftermath from our latest video uploaded. Phil and I both decided this would be better than a tweet or a tumblr post. Phil's eyes were glued to the laptop, barely even noticing me entering the room.

"Well?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"You have to read some of these replies, most people are so happy" Phil grinned.

My stomach lurched at the most people part, I froze slightly, which Phil noticed. Now taking his full attention away from the laptop, he turned to me.

"The other three don't matter, okay?" Phil smiled.

"I know, it's just-" I began.

"Ignoring internet hate isn't your strong point, I know" He replied.

I smiled, Phil had this stupid talent of being able to make me smile no matter what.

"I love you" He said.

"I love you too" I said, planting a kiss on his lips.

"Now" He said pulling away. "Let's watch Buffy".

"C'mon, what does Buffy have that I don't?" I asked, causing us both to laugh.

**The end, so this is basically a summary for the fic. Originally I didn't plan to end it so soon but I honestly dread writing this and coming up with where the story is going and such. I didn't plan this story enough before hand, which ultimately came back to bite me. I have another phanfic planned, I started writing it at the same time as this one and I actually kinda like the idea. But because of exams I didn't get to take it much further, so I will possibly upload and continue writing that. Thank you to everyone who read this, it means a lot, especially since I don't consider this one of my most strongest fics (I kinda got lazy near the end, I blame exams). **


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